Personal

42 Reflections On My Life

1. Being a preemie survivor is a lot to mentally digest.

2. I have no shame in eating pizza with a fork and knife.

3. Were braces worth the four years of headgear torture?

4. Being a bookworm has always been a comfort to me.

5. I always seem to be drawn to the underdogs because I, myself am one.

6. Fashion is overrated compared to wearing comfy clothes.

7. Being babysat by a lady who rakes inside her house? Priceless.

8. First kisses sometimes don’t count.

9. Friendships come and go like the seasons.

10. I never allowed myself to be a classic girlie girl after my brief stint liking the color pink in 1st grade.

11. I don’t like odd numbers.

12. I can be very chatty or quiet depending on my mood.

13. I love writing poetry.

14. My first celebrity crush at 8 was Fergie.

15. I got to be in the audience of “Kids Inc.” as a preteen. That experience opened my eyes to the cruelties of Hollywood.

16. As a little kid I would dutifully look in the newspaper for any local movie auditions. I wanted to be an actress.

17. I still recall how much I loved my cheesy Punky Brewster high tops that had her hologram face on the side.

18. I loved being a tomboy with enjoying He-Man and Transformers.

19. As kid I had a big imagination (still do) and enjoyed exploring a ditch behind my house. Loved to make up stories to go along with random items found.

20. I was a dare devil as a little kid. I’d ride on my plastic imitation big wheel and fly down the street. It was a very steep street. I’m shocked I was allowed to.

21. I always wonder what my life would be like with a different name.

22. When I was 8 I wanted to be a pastor.

23. I was quite the legalist as a child. No drinking soda in the car.

24. I lived through the Loma Prieta earthquake. Once you’ve experienced one you never forget.

25. Reaching 100 books read in one year is a great feat, but a lonely one.

26. I will always love Six Feet Under, This Is Us, The Fosters and Gilmore Girls.

27. Trees energize me as does rainy/cloudy weather.

28. I can’t stand dresses, but a part of me longs to wear 40’s/50’s vintage style dresses.

29. Worst haircut of my life was a buzz cut.

30. Coming out to oneself is the hardest thing EVER.

31. I’ve always felt ‘different’ from others since I was a little kid.

32. As a small child I was always nervous hearing planes flying overhead, afraid of b**bs. I didn’t watch war movies growing up, but then fell in love with WWII in 4th grade. A few years ago watching a documentary on that topic I had a flashback of living in that time period. That freaked me out. Maybe there is something to past lives.

33. I believe God is BIGGER than any Holy book.

34. I was bullied for being so small and short.

35. I have a Booktube addiction.

36. I studied with a JW for four months. Fascinating to be challenged to explain my faith and why I believe what I do. Sadly that friendship’ was not legit.

37. I don’t know why cults are fascinating to research (JW, Mormonism, etc). I think it’s the desire to belong and have your life scripted for you. I think there’s a comfort in that and a feeling of safety.

38. I am learning in life it’s not about how many friends you have, but the quality of friends, those you can truly trust with your life.

39. I can’t believe I’ve been a book blogger for over 3 years.

40. I never expected to love reading fiction from Thomas Nelson Publishers.

41. I’ve always felt awkward about receiving gifts, like I’m not worthy to.

42. LOVE is not cookie cutter.

Personal

I’m Such A Brat: Birthday Reflections


Today I turned 39. I’m starting to feel my age even though I could possibly pass for a high schooler minus my visible tattoos. I was born premature, so every year it’s a gentle reminder that I could be an adult who is a vegetable, or highly handicapped, or not even alive. I have a very small amount of palsy, an eye I’ve had surgery on because of it being lazy and have scars where I had chest tubes. Other than this I’m a functioning adult. Unless I openly mentioned my challenging start to life you’d have no clue.

Being called a miracle baby is a blessing and yet a spiritual curse sometimes. I have a rich Christian family heritage and start to life, yet sometimes I feel like my faith was handed to me on a silver platter. I feel like I don’t get the luxury of wrestling with my faith and what I believe as an adult vs what I was taught growing up. I didn’t have a sudden coming to Jesus moment. I was probably in preschool or Kindergarten when I knelt to ask Jesus into my heart. I was baptized at 9 and told the congregation it was like marriage because I was making a vow to God.

Today I was a brat and spoiled myself through purchasing a fufu purse and books I truly don’t need since my TBR is one shelf worth with more on my Kindle. Birthdays and being the center of attention have always made me feel weird, awkward, shy, undeserving, etc. Maybe it’s my introvert side coming out.
Then my coming out two years ago, my search for a girlfriend, entering the LGBTQA world and figuring life out. I’m hoping this last year in my 30’s is a year filled with growth spiritually even if it’s not identical to my childhood and that I grow in all areas of my life. I want to expand my LGBTQA friend circle. If you can relate and want a new friend I’d love to hear from you!