I was raided Christian. I’ve always felt different from others, like an outsider looking in. My mom mentioned to me once that while I was in the NICU she prayed the Holy Spirit would cover/protect me, hence the otherworldly sense I’ve had since I was little. It feels like being set apart, sealed as a believer before consciously coming to faith, converting, etc.
Fast forward decades. I am an adult and have gone through a bad church experience. I haven’t attended consistently since 2009. Yep, 10 years outside the box. It’s interesting stepping outside the Christianese world and glancing in. It’s like looking back at high school and remembering what was popular back then, recalling what you were like back in the day.
Honestly, I don’t know if I can return and trust the church again. My heart would love to, I miss the community aspect, but trusting other believers is a challenge. I haven’t read my Bible in a few years. Maybe I just need to take a step back, away from the verbiage that’s a first language to me.
I want to start from scratch. I still believe in God. I feel like part of the challenge is that Christiandom idolizes the Bible. God is bigger than the Bible, or any other book considered holy. I’ve also, wondered why other books that had been considered part of the cannon were removed, like the book of Enoch that connects the dots on so much. Is it a case of keeping non-clergy in the dark?
I’m still triggered by worship music. It’s sad because I have so many songs I love, but it’s just too, painful to hear them.
Do you struggle in a similar way? If so, feel free to comment or email me.
It seems lately that rudeness is on the rise. Working with the public for my job I encounter a lot of it. Being on a phone people can be more rude than they may be in person. It’s disgusting. I don’t know why this has seemed to increase.
I’ve been thinking over why rudeness has become socially acceptable. I wonder if there may be a connection between rudeness and social media use. Instant gratification is assumed and the sense of entitlement is a mood I sense coming off of people.
I never really believed before that people give off energy and after working in my type of profession I now believe it wholeheartedly. When people are rude over the phone I can just physically feel the negativity. It’s gross and makes me want to go home to shower it off.
Do you feel that rudeness has become socially acceptable lately? What are your thoughts on the reason this is? What do you do to protect yourself against all the negativity? Looking forward to your comments.
When you haven’t been to the library in over a year and get the craving. I splurged and probably will read maybe 4-5 out of the 18 I got. I like having plenty of variety. I miss going to the library and have missed it. My local libraries are alright. The one closest to me has a great YA section.
Do you like your local library? Do you prefer the library or bookstore? Have you ever decided to strictly get library books and then choose from there what is own worthy?
Have you read any of the above books? If so which ones (without spoiling it for me) are worth reading?
Lately I feel like I keep getting the word of knowledge to guard my heart. I am so needy for friends and wanting constant communication. I want to ideally be best friends with everyone and yet, those I’ve poured out a lot of my heart to have burnt me. I know no one is perfect. Life happens and friendships don’t always pan out, but I’m feeling fragile lately.
Why did I title this post Whore Out My Heart? Not a whore in the promiscuous sense, but in the emotional sense. I’m like a dang puppy anytime I make a new friend. I guess I definitely have an addictive personality, friendship addiction. I get so excited about having a new friend that I latch on like a barnacle. It’s unhealthy of me. I need to stop being so flippant with my heart and be selective in who I truly open up to. Not everyone is worthy, no matter how much I wish them to be. Yes, that includes family as well. Family doesn’t automatically equal entrance to my heart and soul.
My job was been busy lately and the energy coming off callers has been draining to say the least. Holding my anger in is challenging at times. I’m not a screamer, or yeller, but I abhor rudeness. When I get mad I cry, but that’s because I’m that mad that tears just have to come out. Someone crying or mad I get that. Rudeness just pisses me off.
Do I want real friendship? Yes. Quality over quantity. True friends, kindred spirits, bosom buddies, girlfriends, guy friends. Those I can trust.
I only have a very small amount of childhood friends that I still keep in contact with. Not all friendships make it from childhood to adulthood and that’s ok. It just means more room for authentic friendships.
I’m sitting here in shock. We think we are invincible until reality slaps us in the face. An author I admire, whose books helped me know that questions within Christianity are ok has passed this morning. I still remember reading the originally titled Evolving In Monkey Town and how thought provoking it was to read about a believer who understood the need to revisit what you’ve been raised to believe and to carve out your own faith apart from your parent’s faith. She was only sick in the hospital for 2 weeks. Such a short time.
I can’t fathom He took her home. RHE was young with a husband and little kids. She still has books I’m sure she was intending to write. You never plan to go home early (spiritually speaking). I can’t imagine the pure guttural grief her family and close friends going through. I know so many readers out there were praying for her to recover.
This passing is going to take time to process. I didn’t know RHE personally, but her books are such a gift to those who struggle with their faith, church and Christianity in general. Rachel’s books lead me to read Elizabeth Esther’s book, Girl At The End Of The World and Sarah Bessey’s book, Jesus Feminist. RHE you are leaving quite the legacy. Thank you for writing your heart out, being honest with your own faith journey.
Sometimes Instagram ads inspire you out of the blue. I was scrolling and the ads on there can be annoying. One stood out though. The topic was on becoming a life coach through the program at SWIHA. I logged that information in the back of my brain for safe keeping.
A few months go by and I finally decide to check out their website and contact them for more information. I discover there’s an option of becoming a spiritual coach. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a pastor. Seeing I could go through and get ordained was like finding the gold at the end of the rainbow.
The only roadblock is the cost of the program. It’s a private college, so it’s not cheap, but I believe much less than a whole year at an in state university. Now I just have to save up.
I may not attend a church, or as I like to call it the box, but I still believe by a thread. It’s so ingrained in me I can’t merely throw it out. I’d love to help others on their spiritual journey. My faith has expanded so much in the past 10 years in strange, outside the box directions.
Are you a life coach or spiritual coach? If so comment below. I’d love to connect. What inspires you if you are looking to walk down this same path?
At an old job of mine we had a library where you could borrow books. One of those books was on the topic of having one word be your focus and theme for the year. Do you have one word for 2019?
I’ve been thinking of what I want my one word to be for this brand new year and I decided on the word: grounded. This word has different connotations. I could be grounded and not allowed to have fun, or I could be grounded in how I view and live out my life.
My reason for choosing this word is that this year I want to focus on what/who helps keep me grounded:
* work life balance
* reading books that will educate and inspire me
* eating healthier
* eating less sugary foods
* exercising by starting yoga & meditation
* having in depth friendships
* loving my partner
* loving my family
* journaling more
* figuring out my faith walk
When I was sick of most of December 2017 I truly learned to focus on deep breathing to calm my anxiety down and to feel better. Last year it seemed like my theme was anxiety and I am determined for that to not repeat its self this year. Being anxious is a horrible feeling and I detest my heart doing dips. I only want that if it’s from a roller coaster at a theme park. This experience made me want to research meditation and yoga. Less coffee would probably help, though who can say no to that delicious beverage?
What’s your 2019 one word? Feel free to comment what yours is below. Looking forward to being inspired by all of you. Here’s to a happy 2019!