Detox · Personal · Self Care · Social Media

T-Minus 4

Today marks 4 weeks until my social media detox is over. 3 months has felt sluggish and yet sped by. Can I go back to the main social media platforms? I still have one more month of chosen quiet. I don’t know that I’ll return. If I choose to it’s to keep in contact with a select flew.

Part of me wants to scrub it from my life. Even to add into the mix Good Reads. Recently Jesnevertheless made a great point. She mentioned how sites like Good Reads has turned the joy of reading into a competition rather than a means to share one’s love of reading. I’m a sucker for a reading goal. This year I’m barely over half way to my own reading goal and that’s ok. Instead of focusing on enjoying the books I’m reading I could be internally freaking out I’m not going to reach my 2021 challenge. My focus is misplaced.

I also, have felt like book blogging is in its self a competition of sorts. It doesn’t help that I NetGalley request splurge like a drunk going on a shopping spree at midnight. I’ve felt convicted in this department. No more requests!

So will I be back on the usual social media suspects next month? Potentially and possibly not. I have provided direct contact to a few friends and for the most part there has been silence during my detox. Maybe they thought I want privacy or something. Who knows. All I know is that social media is a communication crutch to replace direct communication. You’re viewed like you’ve died if you leave the platform and welcomed back when you return.

Detox · Personal

One Month

It’s one over 1 month of being off major social media platforms. It’s been silent like a tomb. It’s like taking a step outside a snow globe. I’ll be honest. It’s lonely. Will this fact sucker me to return after my detox? I’m not sure. We shall see come January.

Personal

Dear Gabby

Dear Gabby,

Your case has captured the world. I’m just sad it had to be because you had to end up being a domestic abuse statistic. It should have been prevented and averted.

I’m sorry that the police didn’t see the real signs and save you. You were so distressed and upset, while Brian was being all cocky and chatty with the police. There was no real concern coming from Brian that you we’re having an anxiety attack of sorts.

My personal observation from watching the police body cam footage was disturbing. Being condescending towards a woman in true distress is infuriating. Gabby was petrified and her distress seemed to be played down instead of being taken seriously. A little spat wouldn’t have someone being as upset as Gabby was. If she was the true aggressor in the fight with Brian she would have been angry I’d think, but no she was extremely upset.

Your case has brought to mind that abuse is not merely something that can be physical. It can be emotional, psychological, financial and spiritual. Culturally we just think of it as being physical. How many are out there, both men and women, who are being psychologically and emotionally abused? No, physical signs that show red flags. This abuse can seem invisible unless someone is brave to speak up.

I hope your case will open the door to more conversations about DV and how as a society we can become more aware of the signs. You won’t have died in vain. Thankful your parents are working to help others escape it.

Personal

Ambush Evangelism

I was excited to have a Bible study with a new friend. What I encountered was a tag team spiritual ambush. I explained that I was raised in the church and am a believer. I was asked to share what things, sins are blocking me from my walk with Jesus. If I just met you I’m not going to bare my soul right out of the gate. Then I was asked if I could study the next day. I explained I have plans and tried for next week. Well that didn’t go over well. There are others committed and they wouldn’t want to give up a spot if I’m not committed. I felt as though I was chatting with Jehovah Witnesses and they were nondenominational Christians.

You meant well. You saw it as an opportunity to share which scripture meant to you and why, but instead the study made me want to throw up afterwards. If you are trying to make disciples I’d wager you just may be scaring away lapsed believers. I know you don’t sugarcoat what the Bible says, but after that experience I don’t trust you to study with you again. When I think of a Bible study I think of it being an open discussion about the scripture, not an interrogation thrown at me. Also, having the new person read the verses? I’m not opposed to reading it, but to me that puts a lot of pressure on the new person.

I feel used. Faith is personal. It’s something deep. I feel brow beaten this morning. I still would love a Christian Kindred Spirit, but that incident has put a sour taste in my mouth.

Books · Personal · Self Care · TBR

Overbooked

I love to read. I have ever since I was little. It was second grade when I began to read solo, but still would enjoy my mom reading to me. The books that captured my imagination as a little kid were: The Faraway Tree series by Enid Blyton, The Little House series, The Moomins series, and of course Dr. Seuss books.

Discovering Booktube was life changing. The first Booktuber that caught my attention was Sasha Alsberg. Her love of reading, books and wait she gets sent books to review? I want book mail. I created a book blog, read 5 books and posted reviews, then searched out companies looking for reviewers.

Fast forward 3 years and I have over indulged. I know I review not merely for NetGalley, but a number of other PR companies. I have a challenge saying, “No,” to requests since I’m already over my head in my ARC TBR, but that one that got away haunts the back of my mind. What if the book I decline to review, is my fave book for 2020?

I do need to be more selective and whittle down my TBR. I’m thankful to be a book blogger. I just don’t want to loose my love of reading because of it.

Personal

When Life Slaps You

This morning I noticed a friend post a picture insinuating that someone had passed. I did a double take and realized it was in reference to one of her kids.

I’m still in shock. I’m not a mother. I can’t imagine loosing a child/young adult so young with no warning.

If you feel lead to donate that would be wonderful. I know this is a stranger, a friend of a friend. The world is filled enough with stress over what’s going on in the world. We don’t need more death. Take a moment.

Honestly I was wrapped up with focusing on myself before I saw my friend’s post. Her post was a splash of cold water on my self absorption. Every little bit helps.

Thank you. Whether you can donate or merely pray, both help and are powerful.

Personal

42 Reflections On My Life

1. Being a preemie survivor is a lot to mentally digest.

2. I have no shame in eating pizza with a fork and knife.

3. Were braces worth the four years of headgear torture?

4. Being a bookworm has always been a comfort to me.

5. I always seem to be drawn to the underdogs because I, myself am one.

6. Fashion is overrated compared to wearing comfy clothes.

7. Being babysat by a lady who rakes inside her house? Priceless.

8. First kisses sometimes don’t count.

9. Friendships come and go like the seasons.

10. I never allowed myself to be a classic girlie girl after my brief stint liking the color pink in 1st grade.

11. I don’t like odd numbers.

12. I can be very chatty or quiet depending on my mood.

13. I love writing poetry.

14. My first celebrity crush at 8 was Fergie.

15. I got to be in the audience of “Kids Inc.” as a preteen. That experience opened my eyes to the cruelties of Hollywood.

16. As a little kid I would dutifully look in the newspaper for any local movie auditions. I wanted to be an actress.

17. I still recall how much I loved my cheesy Punky Brewster high tops that had her hologram face on the side.

18. I loved being a tomboy with enjoying He-Man and Transformers.

19. As kid I had a big imagination (still do) and enjoyed exploring a ditch behind my house. Loved to make up stories to go along with random items found.

20. I was a dare devil as a little kid. I’d ride on my plastic imitation big wheel and fly down the street. It was a very steep street. I’m shocked I was allowed to.

21. I always wonder what my life would be like with a different name.

22. When I was 8 I wanted to be a pastor.

23. I was quite the legalist as a child. No drinking soda in the car.

24. I lived through the Loma Prieta earthquake. Once you’ve experienced one you never forget.

25. Reaching 100 books read in one year is a great feat, but a lonely one.

26. I will always love Six Feet Under, This Is Us, The Fosters and Gilmore Girls.

27. Trees energize me as does rainy/cloudy weather.

28. I can’t stand dresses, but a part of me longs to wear 40’s/50’s vintage style dresses.

29. Worst haircut of my life was a buzz cut.

30. Coming out to oneself is the hardest thing EVER.

31. I’ve always felt ‘different’ from others since I was a little kid.

32. As a small child I was always nervous hearing planes flying overhead, afraid of b**bs. I didn’t watch war movies growing up, but then fell in love with WWII in 4th grade. A few years ago watching a documentary on that topic I had a flashback of living in that time period. That freaked me out. Maybe there is something to past lives.

33. I believe God is BIGGER than any Holy book.

34. I was bullied for being so small and short.

35. I have a Booktube addiction.

36. I studied with a JW for four months. Fascinating to be challenged to explain my faith and why I believe what I do. Sadly that friendship’ was not legit.

37. I don’t know why cults are fascinating to research (JW, Mormonism, etc). I think it’s the desire to belong and have your life scripted for you. I think there’s a comfort in that and a feeling of safety.

38. I am learning in life it’s not about how many friends you have, but the quality of friends, those you can truly trust with your life.

39. I can’t believe I’ve been a book blogger for over 3 years.

40. I never expected to love reading fiction from Thomas Nelson Publishers.

41. I’ve always felt awkward about receiving gifts, like I’m not worthy to.

42. LOVE is not cookie cutter.

Books · Personal · TBR

Reading Goals 2020

This year I’ve decided next to reviewing the ARCS I receive and get approved for I will read CLASSICS. I haven’t read very many and I want to change that. My Good Reads goal is only 80, bud I want to split that down 40/40. I want to read 40 classics and 40 books on spirituality. The spirituality books that are outside my vanilla Christian comfort zone.

Here are my list of classics I’ve decided on:

Classics 

1 Pride and Prejudice 
2 One Hundred Years Of Solitude 
3 One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
4 1984
5 Middlemarch
6 Women In Love
7 Ferienheight 451
8 A Clockwork Orange
9 Northanger Abbey
10 The Bell Jar
11 The Sound And The Fury
12 Man’s Search For Meaning
13 The Handmaiden’s Tale
14 The Color Purple
15 Meditations by Marcus Orelius
16 Picture Of Dorian Gray
17 Beloved
18 Emma
19 A Room Of One’s Own
20 The Golden Notebook 
21 Rebecca
22 Never Let Me Go
23 As I Lay Dying
24 The Sound And The Fury
25 Lolita
26 Ethan From
27 The House Of The Seven Gables
28 The Poisionwood Bible
29 The Chosen
30 Their Eyes Were Watching God
31 The House On Mango Street
32 Death Of A Salesman
33 Slaughterhouse Five
34 The Bluest Eye
35 A Prayer For Owen Manning
36 Kindred
37 The Naked and the Dead
38 A Tree Grows In Brooklyn
39 The Haunting Of Hill House
40 Bleak House
What reading goals do you have this year? Any genre goals? Have you read any of these classics? I’m still compiling my 40 spirituality books. I’ll post those once I’ve got my list together.
Personal

Faith Wrestling

I was raided Christian. I’ve always felt different from others, like an outsider looking in. My mom mentioned to me once that while I was in the NICU she prayed the Holy Spirit would cover/protect me, hence the otherworldly sense I’ve had since I was little. It feels like being set apart, sealed as a believer before consciously coming to faith, converting, etc.

Fast forward decades. I am an adult and have gone through a bad church experience. I haven’t attended consistently since 2009. Yep, 10 years outside the box. It’s interesting stepping outside the Christianese world and glancing in. It’s like looking back at high school and remembering what was popular back then, recalling what you were like back in the day.

Honestly, I don’t know if I can return and trust the church again. My heart would love to, I miss the community aspect, but trusting other believers is a challenge. I haven’t read my Bible in a few years. Maybe I just need to take a step back, away from the verbiage that’s a first language to me.

I want to start from scratch. I still believe in God. I feel like part of the challenge is that Christiandom idolizes the Bible. God is bigger than the Bible, or any other book considered holy. I’ve also, wondered why other books that had been considered part of the cannon were removed, like the book of Enoch that connects the dots on so much. Is it a case of keeping non-clergy in the dark?

I’m still triggered by worship music. It’s sad because I have so many songs I love, but it’s just too, painful to hear them.

Do you struggle in a similar way? If so, feel free to comment or email me.

Personal · Social Thoughts

Social Rudeness

It seems lately that rudeness is on the rise. Working with the public for my job I encounter a lot of it. Being on a phone people can be more rude than they may be in person. It’s disgusting. I don’t know why this has seemed to increase.

I’ve been thinking over why rudeness has become socially acceptable. I wonder if there may be a connection between rudeness and social media use. Instant gratification is assumed and the sense of entitlement is a mood I sense coming off of people.

I never really believed before that people give off energy and after working in my type of profession I now believe it wholeheartedly. When people are rude over the phone I can just physically feel the negativity. It’s gross and makes me want to go home to shower it off.

Do you feel that rudeness has become socially acceptable lately? What are your thoughts on the reason this is? What do you do to protect yourself against all the negativity? Looking forward to your comments.