Personal

I’m Such A Brat: Birthday Reflections


Today I turned 39. I’m starting to feel my age even though I could possibly pass for a high schooler minus my visible tattoos. I was born premature, so every year it’s a gentle reminder that I could be an adult who is a vegetable, or highly handicapped, or not even alive. I have a very small amount of palsy, an eye I’ve had surgery on because of it being lazy and have scars where I had chest tubes. Other than this I’m a functioning adult. Unless I openly mentioned my challenging start to life you’d have no clue.

Being called a miracle baby is a blessing and yet a spiritual curse sometimes. I have a rich Christian family heritage and start to life, yet sometimes I feel like my faith was handed to me on a silver platter. I feel like I don’t get the luxury of wrestling with my faith and what I believe as an adult vs what I was taught growing up. I didn’t have a sudden coming to Jesus moment. I was probably in preschool or Kindergarten when I knelt to ask Jesus into my heart. I was baptized at 9 and told the congregation it was like marriage because I was making a vow to God.

Today I was a brat and spoiled myself through purchasing a fufu purse and books I truly don’t need since my TBR is one shelf worth with more on my Kindle. Birthdays and being the center of attention have always made me feel weird, awkward, shy, undeserving, etc. Maybe it’s my introvert side coming out.
Then my coming out two years ago, my search for a girlfriend, entering the LGBTQA world and figuring life out. I’m hoping this last year in my 30’s is a year filled with growth spiritually even if it’s not identical to my childhood and that I grow in all areas of my life. I want to expand my LGBTQA friend circle. If you can relate and want a new friend I’d love to hear from you!

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